I'm afraid I can't even remember when last I made a post on my old journal here. For that I am very sorry for being absent for so very long. *forgive me??* Real Life has, I'm sorry to say, taken humongous bites out of me, particularly in the past year and a half. I won't get into details here, but they not only involve enormous work-related stress and changes, but also personal stress, family crises, and a major health crisis last February that nearly killed me. (don't worry though, after a serious surgery and lengthy hospital stay, my recovery is nearly finished, and, if I can survive the next two weeks, I will be okay, thank the Lord!)
And worse, in recent months, both my beloved grandparents have taken serious downturns for the worse in their own health, (Grandma = Alzheimers and Heart; Grandad = Heart and a myriad of other issues) and it's been a rather tough go of things. It has culminated in another crisis last week, where my grandad was rushed to Emergency, and then abruptly diagnosed with terminal cancer. And then, just one week later, a few days ago, my Grandad rather suddenly passed away.
I am still in the depths of mourning and grief, and still a bit of shock too. :-( It happened so fast. *still can't stop weeping* Now, it might seem like he was 'only' my grandfather, but you have to understand that I am VERY close to my grandparents, and am the only of our family who lived somewhat close to them, and visited them nearly every weekend these past few years. I didn't grow up with a father, and he's always taken that role, and therefore been a dad to me, and my Grandma a second mom. *sigh* It's suddenly struck me what this weekend is, and it's going to be a very difficult Father's Day for me, and for my Mom. :-(
*pulls self together* So, yeah, I am definitely running a gasket or two short right now, and running on empty. I have felt my reserves of strength and resilience running dry; I am absolutely exhausted and drained. I have had a tough year with my current class and boss/principal, and I feel like I have nothing more to give. Yet it's not the end of the year just yet, and I don't know how I'm going to make it and still manage to finish strong. My third term report cards are due on Monday, and I haven't even started writing them. I can't even start them till I get some serious marking done first, amongst other tasks! I desperately need time, and energy, and mental alertness, and willpower, and find myself terrifyingly short on them all.
And so, the last thing I should be doing right now is posting, (especially after so long a hiatus!) or taking time off for anything, really! But I also felt very compelled to do so today. (Maybe all the emotions running high and conflictingly??) And the last thing I should have done was take some time off yesterday evening to do something completely unrelated to my work and school demands or my family obligations right now. And yet that's exactly what I did, despite everything. I couldn't really help myself. (and perhaps it was meant to be, with an unexpected gift right now in these times, and it could be argued that my decision was the healthy, therapeutic, 'right' one! I hope!)
So, I went to see THE movie of the year last night, (well, other than perhaps Star Trek, which was brilliant!) the new Superman movie, Man of Steel. And oh, it was JUST what I needed right now. Talk about escapist entertainment! A healing, renewing journey with my favourite hero ever, Superman. :-) The message was incredible: Hope. And it could not have come at a better time.
It was a gift from above: I couldn't afford to go right now, both in terms of time and money, and then, my friend who manages The ComicShop in Vancouver, where I once worked for many, many years, called me up out of the blue, just when I was feeling the most burdened and sad and worried and low, and said the 'Shop had received a few double-passes for the premiere preview screening of Man of Steel, (a rare event indeed as, ironically enough, the store hardly ever gets the comic book-related movie passes any more) and offered me one.
I could scarcely believe it. (and nevetheless was still going to give it up, under my current circumstances, and then, at the last minute I changed my mind. And I am so glad I did. Some guilt I do have, admittedly, but no regrets!!) It really was a much needed gift!
It seemed apropos too, that it was this film that I was given at this time; my Grandad enjoyed comic book characters and their movies, and further, loved to actually fly himself. He was a pilot in WW II, for the RCAF, (the Royal Canadian AirForce) and he adored flying his aircraft, and dreamed for years of getting to fly again. He would have loved this movie whole-heartedly. (I truly hope he's flying now.)
Ah, since I'm one of the first people to have been lucky enough to be able to see the movie, there's no way I can discuss it without spoiling anything for anyone, so I will refrain. But I do have to say, that although the movie isn't entirely perfect, I loved it, and was so incredibly thrilled and moved by so many parts of it. I am also deeply grateful for the vision of Superman that it holds to, one that fits so much of what I have always seen and loved so very dearly in him. (And the flight scenes alone were spectacular; I loved them! The Krypton sequences and origin story were fantastic. And the fight scenes with Zod and crew = wow!) The sense of gentleness, compassion, and sheer GOODNESS was what impressed me most. Gorgeous and powerful. (just like Kal!) My head is absolutely swimming with images and scenes and sounds from the film, even as I'm here (supposedly working on school stuff) on a short break at my desk, a day later.
I will try to post a proper review once more have seen it, (and once my report cards and other deadlines have been met - perhaps after the end of the school year (in Canada we don't finish until June 28th, fyi, American friends). Meanwhile, I have so much to accomplish, including a funeral to help organise and get emotionally through.
It really helped, however, to have Superman in my life again right now, a fictional friend, yes, but true nevertheless, hovering beside me like a guardian angel, and like a beautiful, heart-felt gift from beyond.
Blessings to you, Grandad: Please Fly On Forever!
Take care, my friends. Talk soon, I hope.
"Up, Up, and Away!!!"